She was disappointed in my choices in life.
I could tell by the expression on her face in the dark
car as she drove on, not even a smile for my joke.
I felt judged by her silence, but I wasn’t about to deny
Anything to her, as I lit up a cigarette and began to smoke,
I thought, there is nothing about me I want to change.

She is the one that needs to change
her attitude towards how others live their life.
As I pondered this I watched the dingy night dissolve in the air like smoke,
Outside my window as morning light crept up on the dark.
I squinted my eyes at the sunrise as if to deny
That I had truly been out this late, that it was some kind of sick joke.

Leaning back in my seat I knew better then to joke
Maybe I did have a problem and I did need to change
My habits of the night and even when I did deny
It to myself I knew it was true of my life.
How had I let my social life get so dark?
I still reeked of the alcohol and marijuana smoke.

Still it wasn’t as if I had been doing worse things than drink and smoke
I’m not an addict or some junkie joke.
Is it so much to want to have fun and share dark
Secrets between friends while we change
Our perceptions of the world and of this life?
I did that and it is something I won’t deny.

The doubt is still here with me as I ride, that I can’t deny.
The evidence is there, my grades are slipping the more I smoke
and party, and enjoy my wild social life.
Sometimes I wonder if people are laughing at me, Am I a joke?
I did not want that drastic of a change,
I thought as I wiped tears hiding my shame in the dark.